


kingmaker

by remi_wolf



Series: the superstitions, nay, the religion of internet league blaseball [2]
Category: Blaseball (Video Game)
Genre: Canon-Typical Behavior, Canon-Typical Violence, Canonical Character Death, Experimental Style, Gen, Homeric Epithets, How Do I Tag, Legends, Meta, Meta - Freeform, Superstition, Urban Legends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-12
Updated: 2021-01-12
Packaged: 2021-03-16 12:16:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28706538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/remi_wolf/pseuds/remi_wolf
Summary: n. a person who uses political influence to control the appointment of a king or (in later extended use) other person of authority; those that create the dominoes that are tipped and fall to allow for the eventual godslaying by the hands of the hall starsin quiet hushed corners of the known league, the seattle garages are known by another name: the seattle kingmakers.an examination for the reasons for such a name. an examination and a peeling back of layers to see how utterly impossible it was that the peanut in the sky was killed. an examination for why the seattle garages deserve a name that they would never want.
Series: the superstitions, nay, the religion of internet league blaseball [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2104305
Kudos: 9
Collections: A Dictionary of Stories





	kingmaker

Their motto is “No gods, no kings, only cats.” Or, occasionally, their motto is “There is no second chair.” Or, more publicly, their motto is “Smells like team spirit,” which, to be fair, is far more palatable to the Blaseball Gods to whom they pay only the very barest hint of respect towards. After all, why should they pay homage to such creatures that destroyed their hopes and dreams, dashed apart their family to the four corners of the Known League, and laughed in the face of their pain? They shouldn’t, and so they didn’t, and they don’t. No gods, no kings, only cats. 

Which makes it all the more hilarious that in certain hushed corners of the Known League, the Seattle Garages are instead known as the Seattle Kingmakers. 

The whispers started quietly, shifting from one corner of the Known League to another from game to game and practice to practice. Fans would occasionally mention it, and they would mention it to other fans, letting the moniker change and travel until almost everyone had heard about it except those in Seattle. The reasoning is thus: the Seattle Garages had been the reason the Peanut was killed, and the Boss reigned.

The first act that the Seattle Garages did to become the Seattle Kingmakers was thus: by having the poor fortune of their star pitcher being incinerated first. 

> Jaylen Hotdogfingers, by no fault of her own, became the first of a line of dominoes toppled over one by one in order to lead towards the eventual destruction of the Peanut. In an amusing way, the gods themselves were the ones to knock over the domino that would lead to their own destruction. Really, the fact that Jaylen was the one to be incinerated isn’t entirely the only reason why she became that first step. Had it been a slightly worse pitcher, or had she not have been such a prominent player, rising star within the team and admired throughout the Known League, it would have been unlikely that the entire course of events happened. However, through the unique intersection of Jaylen, and her popularity and charisma and ability within the League, the Seattle Garages took their first step down the path to become Kingmaker.

Any line of dominoes requires more than one, though, and the second one makes its appearance seasons later, when those of Canada’s Moist Takers approaches the team quietly and asks if they would like to work to resurrect Jaylen Hotdogfingers. 

> Methods and arcane rituals, and rites between the gods and the fans alike, all led to a few of the Moist Talkers realizing that Jaylen could be brought back, or that any incinerated player could be brought back, but it was only right that the first destroyed by the gods be the first returned to life and play once more, and so the Seattle Garages agreed. Their star, their charismatic compass point, should be restored, they agreed, and so despite the risk, they accepted the devil’s deal and spat in the face of gods to bring their star home. 

The stones that followed are named thusly: Moody Cookbook, Elijah Bates, Mclaughlin Scorpler, Antonio Wallace, Dominic Marijuana, Murray Pony, Sebastian Telephone, Yazmin Mason, Fraiser Schmurmgle, Workman Gloom, Boyfriend Monreal, Miguel Wheeler. 

> Ashes, all of them, forming a trail that seemed to be made of gunpowder to destroy the entire league. Whispers and derisive looks as Jaylen hit one player after another, causing such a disturbance that they would be unstable and marked. And then they would be a target of the Rogue Umpire’s dread gaze, and then they would be incinerated, and then they would pass that to the next player. The hatred and grief seemed to be directed towards Jaylen and the Garages, threatening to rip apart the league and the fans and the players. At least that had not come to pass, through some miracle or another. The gods and the umpires were the ones with the incineration, the power to actually destroy the players, regardless of whatever happened to them when they were hit by a stray pitch from Jaylen. The reminder of the true enemy filtered from the Garages, to their fans, and then the fans and players of the other teams, until everyone remained locked in step and heart that Jaylen was not the adversary she seemed to be. 

The next step in the path to kingmaker looked like this: Jaylen accepting the refinanced loan and shifting like the static of a radio station through the League. Binding everyone together, it meant that she was adored and every team had a claim on her. She was no longer simply of the Garages, but of the ILB, of the entire Known League, and the Garages were gracious enough to share her. 

> Rather than insisting that she was only a band member, they simply acknowledged that she would always have a place on their rotation. Once a member of the band, always a member of the band. She might always be a part of them, but she had a place in every other team, thus binding the entire league into an intricately woven braid of desires and strength. Rather than a collection of threads, the Known League was a rope, stronger than anything that could be seen. 

And the final rung of the ladder leading to the destruction of the gods was this: The Final Death of Jaylen Hotdogfingers. 

> A combined effort of everyone in the Known League, though for some reason fans consistently and constantly thank and contribute the effort to the Garages, despite the fact that no one on the team would accept such praise. Regardless, the Final Death of Jaylen Hotdogfingers allowed for her to take the helm of the Hall Stars, to be able to pass from team to team to sabotage the Peanut’s Pods and allow the Godslayer to land the final blow, and to free us from the Peanut’s rule, and instead install the Boss as the new god. 

The Garages, despite the fact that they would despise and curse everyone who calls them such, are the Kingmaker team. The Seattle Garages, as far as anyone is concerned, are the Seattle Kingmakers.

It’s only a matter of time before the motto of “No gods, no kings, only cats” is determined to be something to aspire to, or to tread beneath our feet.

**Author's Note:**

> So....a weird little fic, right? I wasn't sure what to write for the word "kingmaker" so I thought it would be interesting to look at what if Jaylen or the Garages were called "Kingmaker" for destroying the Peanut, directly or indirectly, to make way for the Boss/the Coin to take over instead as the new "king." It was a fun little fic to write. Hopefully you all liked it! Feel free to leave a comment or a kudos! I'm interested to hear what all of you think about this weird little bit of worldbuilding I've got here.


End file.
